Thursday, December 6, 2012

A Thought (or two) on Love and Logic

If anyone who reads this knew me personally, you'll know that I gripe about my third-born child, a strong-willed hellion named Maren, on a frequent basis.  At least, I feel it used to be on a frequent basis.  I think things have greatly improved at home.  A friend had recommended "Parenting with Love and Logic" dozens of times, but I thought nothing would help things at home.  I guess you'd say I was hopeless about the frustration and conflicts and head-to-head battles that ensued every day.  Then finally I thought, why NOT look into these books??  Even if I think the method won't work, at least I could say I tried.  And trying was very important to me.  My four-year-old and I were in a dangerous habit of fighting and arguing.  When mommies lose their tempers, they lose control and do/say things they regret.  I didn't want to continue this strained relationship, and I didn't want her growing up believing I loved her less than the others.  I was afraid if this pattern continued, horrible long-term repercussions would be inevitable.  So, genuinely, what would I have to lose by trying this parenting technique?


I got two books from the library, but I focused on the one for early childhood, from birth to age six.  I will tell you, there's a reason they call it Love and Logic Magic.  My relationship with Maren has already transformed from toxic to blossoming.  I'm still learning, but I feel we're in a much healthier place.  I feel the biggest indicator of success so far has been how I feel at the end of the day.  The past few weeks I've been much less tense at bedtime!  I used to be so worn out from Maren's antics that after they were all in bed I'd take a few hours to wind down and let go of the anger.  And now bedtime goes smoother, as well as the whole day.  And now since Mommy's less likely to blow-up at any given moment, I feel my other children are benefiting from these changes at home, as well.  Even though my other three kids need less disciplinary interaction than Maren, the tricks I'm using with her have had a great impact on them.  My oldest daughter had an over-nighter with her grandparents recently, and when she came home I explained some of the rules that had been put in place while she was gone.  I was using the same tricks on her as her little sister, just a little differently for the different circumstances.  She came out of her room crying and asking why I had changed.  That showed me again how noticeable the Love and Logic structure was.

I'm not going to call this a full-on review, because I gleaned information as necessary for my understanding and for survival.  But I recommend the method!

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